Vocational Discernment: The Call Coming from Inside the House
In Let Your Life Speak, a classic of the discernment genre, Parker Palmer gives voice to the niggling itch so many of us feel. He writes: “the life I am living is not the life that wants to live in me.”
Most of us have had the experience of living a life that is not one’s own, of being out of sync with our natural tendencies. It is a mismatch that can only last so long. Sometimes gradually, sometimes suddenly, the question comes for us all: what the F am I doing with my life?!
While painful and disorienting, this existential crisis is an important milestone on the path to wholeness. It indicates the calculus is shifting – that the pain of change is more tolerable than the pain of staying the same. Although this bottoming out is worth celebrating, it also introduces the next unsettling question: what the F do I do now?!
Fortunately, there is a process to bring alignment. While it doesn’t mechanically and magically produce a single solution, it does offer a framework for navigating the terrain. Those oriented toward the mystical call this pilgrimage “vocational discernment.” Let’s unpack the components.
First up: vocation. A vocation is more than a job – it’s a calling that gives life meaning. It’s where soul meets role, the work you are meant to do in the world.
Vocation comes from your unique birthright gifts. Everyone has this inner truth and potential – the person you were born to be. It is your highest point of contribution at any given season, an outpouring of the self into its most suitable container. As Palmer puts it, “vocation is the thing you can’t not do, for reasons you can’t quite explain to anyone else.”
The trick about vocation, though, is to find it, you need to meet your purest self. Not the self we “ought” to be, dominated by outside approval and the “shoulds” of being an executive or social worker or pharmacist, because that’s what your parents did.
No, somewhere under the layers of cultural conditioning is a bedrock self – one that is calm, untainted, and trusting.
It can take years to strip away the noise and get past the persona, but once you do, the first step is to sit. That’s because discernment is a receptive posture. It comes from listening – from hearing a calling from the deepest self and recognizing what life has been trying to tell us. It does not come from outside voices like Instagram follower counts or the Forbes 30 Under 30 list.
Not to say that discernment is a fully passive exercise. Rather, it involves curiosity and contemplation… and actually doing those The Artist’s Way exercises we’ve been recommending. To sniff out the scent, consider:
What do you consider your peak experiences in life?
What did you like to do as a kid?
Which workplace tasks energize you? Which make you want to die?
Which injustices do you find infuriating?
Who are you jealous of? Why?
More structured reflections are also useful. The Pathfinder Work Questions are an eternal favorite. As is the StrengthsFinder assessment (I know a great coach if you need one). Alternatively, read job descriptions and make a running list of tasks that provide an inner DING! These are clues. Follow them.
Because there is also a communal component to discernment, involve others. To ensure your inner compass is properly calibrated, ask loved ones, mentors, and trusted colleagues what they view as your true gifts (and blind spots). Form a cohort to swap networks and hold each other accountable for scheduling information interviews. Join a nonprofit board. Volunteer.
All of these endeavors build self-awareness – both awareness about your own potentials and limits, and awareness of your rightful place within the world. And the good news is, there are no wrong answers. It’s all grist for the mill, data to refine your model. By taking tiny steps and letting go of expectations, this process can become downright fun and life-affirming, releasing the existential weight.
Admittedly, it’s easy to feel guilty for engaging in these explorations. It’s also easy to stay stuck in a meh life – either from a martyr complex that suffering is constructive, or paralyzing fear of facing demons and taking responsibility for one’s actualization.
This guilt, anxiety, and ambivalence is normal; the feelings are way markers on the path of individuation. It’s okay to marinate in them for weeks, months, or years until some inner gauge dictates it’s time to act. As the famed saying goes: When it gets painful enough, you’ll change.
When you’re ready, the work is waiting.
— Alexis
